Spiritual Autobiography – Ages 50-58 (Part Three)

April 22, 2008

In August, 1990 – I received a letter from my father saying that cancer had again been discovered in his lungs and that he was not expected to live more than two months. At that time, I met monthly with a group of men who had studied erotic massage with Joseph Kramer. The next time our group met, I dedicated the work to my father’s healing. As the end of my session on the massage table, a guided meditation came to me, which I later recorded and sent to my father.

During next month’s session, I felt a sense of empathy with my father, as if I were the one receiving radiation.

The following month, I sensed that my father’s spirit had come to say good-bye.

My father lived until August of the following year. I saw him again in June, prior to my second intensive at Wildwood with Joseph Kramer. I had said goodbye on a psychological and spiritual level, and that made the goodbye easier on the physical level.

A memory came to me less than a week after that. I had done a wet rebirthing (about a half hour of conscious breathing through a snorkel), and initially it didn’t produce any great thoughts. But later, as I was walking around Wildwood, I remembered a conversation. It must have been when I was in college. I don’t know what brought up the subject, but I made some disparaging remark about homosexuality. My father immediately said that homosexuals have always been a part of the intellectual and artistic avante guarde. I realized on that afternoon in June that he was the first person I’d ever heard defend homosexuals or homosexuality. Even today I sense that my that his spirit feels my gratitude.

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