Spiritual Autobiography – Ages 50-58 (Part Four)

April 28, 2008

In 1992 I returned to Wildwood for a third intensive sponsored by Body Electric. This one, called Sacred Intimate Training, was very different from the previous two. I came feeling confident in my spiritual progress and ready to share my ideas with anyone who would listen – and in talking circles, where everyone had to listen. I learned that most of my ideas were in my head. When I got into my heart I found emptiness and need.

I got up early every morning, going to the hot tub for wet rebirthing. One morning, I went there feeling that I had come to the mountain with an ego bigger than the mountain – and that this ego, though it was getting smaller, was keeping me from making real heart connections.

When I finished the rebirthing, I told my feelings to a friend who had just completed his own rebirthing. His reply was lengthy, but one sentence came to me as if in ten-foot neon lights: “There is no human solution to the emptiness.” I felt a complete release. I knew that I had been created by God as a spiritual being, complete and whole. On a spiritual level, I had no needs. I could have wants. I wanted to have a physical body – so therefore I needed to give that body foot and rest and shelter. But on a spiritual level – on an ultimate, basic level – I had no needs.

Next week I’ll tell you about my experience of learning to give erotic massage to a woman and how this affected my understanding of relating from the heart.

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