“The Expanded Version of Me”

August 3, 2010

I’m writing the first draft of this posting during Eros Spirit Camp at Easton Mountain. When the idea for having six days of erotic workshops in EM’s camp format was first present, I was skeptical. My experience with erotic retreats has primarily been with Body Electric , where there is considerable emphasis on bonding in the group to create a safe container for erotic work. The camp format, where men choose which activities they want, precludes this; but I must say that the retreat is working.

This weekend, for me, is not about learning new sexual tricks, but rather realizing something that my teacher, AlixSandra, wrote a couple of weeks ago (quoting from someone known as Abraham):  “Am I letting myself, right now, in this moment, be the expanded version of me that life has caused me to become?”

This leads me to recognize two states in my life – when I’m this expanded version and when I’m not. This morning, in yoga, when I was trying hard to do the work as the teacher wanted and feeling frustrated, I was not letting myself be expanded. When I listened to my body more than to the instructor and then relaxed into what I was doing, I became that “expanded version of me.”

Likewise, I’ve discovered that in sex, when I’m trying to get hard or to build up excitement or climax, I’m not letting myself be expanded. When I relax into the experience, without expectations, the pleasure increases a hundred fold. This is what makes sex sacred: not that you breathe, not that you prepare your chakras, not that you do a big draw: it’s that you become an expanded version of yourself. These other elements may help – but it is the state of consciousness that makes sex sacred.

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